Equanimity is an interesting and wonderful place to live in.  I enter it at times, and life seems so easy and joyful. It is a space of possibilities and I am not stopped by seeming problems. Rather, nothing seems like a big deal, and I can be kind and easy with others. This is in distinct contrast to how I often spend my time - "sweating the small stuff" and making a big deal out of little problems. After periods of meditation or long meditation retreats I enjoy the space of equanimity, and it is one of the strongest motivating factors on my path. I want to live my whole life with this kind of perspective on events.

I appreciate your thoughts, Gayle. As I read through this contemplation, it occurred to me how attached I am to praise and blame, praise and blame. It is also a pattern for me that has come clear to me through meditation.  I never considered myself a "praise junkie", but clearly I have a looooong way to go.    Equanimity is something I see in my periperal vision, if you will.  If i give my direct gaze, it is gone from me, but if I am easy and let be, it can be there sometimes.

 I recently changed schools....I am a teacher and I took a position closer to home for many reasons, one of which, perhaps the greatest, is linked to praise and blame.  I found after several years at my former school site that I had achieved a great deal from a professional standpoint. However, as I realized about midway through the school year last year, all of those wonderful achievements, all of that intoxicating praise was transient and completely empty.  It was a profound realization for me and a painful one.  So, I changed schools(the cost of gas was also a factor) and now I am preparing for the upcoming year with a panic and dread that is sadly familiar.  I feel the pressure to prove myself, a desire to disappear into the woodwork and a wary, wary sense of the same traps that exist in my mind that I have created. Craving praise....am I good enough, can I deal with the change...change....change.....so Garuda, I see you:) Change, change, change is . 

I welcome your thoughts, Aliveworld friends, your experiences and your wisdom:)  Thanks in advance!

Amanda 

Hey Amanda, as I read your post I find myself relating to the same notion of needing praise. I have difficulty catching it in action and I have 'worked' on this in various ways over the years. But we go on... working toward change. One tool I use is to not allow speculation of the feared concept. That is, say the new school term beginning, I take a 'what will be - will be' attitude and find it helps.  Good luck!

Thank you:)  I love your tip and will put it to good use.  I found my adjustment a challenge, but so often, I reflected on the idea of impermanence and it really helped.  That praise trap is so strong...but I am gaining an awareness.  Thanks for your thoughts:)

Amanda